screwed up big time

i drank like crazy yesterday and did not wake up in the morning. given the amount of exposure i had that was just plain crazy, but i'm tired of trading and i just didn't give a damn. i've had a great time doing this full time, but it's clear to me that it's time has come and i need to get a full time job and do this on the side. i am pretty sure that i will be a much better trader, if i don't think about this the whole time. plus it will be nice to work with other people again.

anyhoo, i didn't wake up and paid a heavy price. i would have broken even on IBM in the morning. i would have made a small profit on BNI and could have closed my entire position in that stock. IBM is still within target range, but BNI ran up another 2 dollars. it's on a monster breakout and my position in it is definitely hurting. but, i have 3 more weeks and this stock can tank just as fast as it's run up. hopefully, oil will make another run above 130, which is likely, and the stock market will dive one more time (for me). but, overall i am not making profits and that is pissing me off. maybe it was just a tough week, but i haven't been able to tell where stocks are going. all rationale seems to be out of the door.

i am burnt out. i should have taken that vacation to Jamaica like i wanted to. i would have only spent 2K on it and i already lost more than that dicking around.